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For three days, I’ve drafted and re-drafted this post. How to not sound like a cold-hearted, calloused individual. The fact of the matter is, I’m a huge giver. More than once I’ve mortgaged myself to the hilt to give to others in need, always figuring I still have good earning potential, so I’ll make up for shorting my own financial progress later. I put colossal charitable contributions on credit cards. I’ve maintained giving even when my own budget was hazardous at best.
One year I received a large Christmas bonus. I planned to (for once) do my holiday shopping in cash. Then I heard about someone near to me who would be evicted with her children the week before Christmas if they couldn’t pay rent. The notice had already come and they were packing up.
My bonus was the exact same size as their rent payment. I paid the rent and never told anyone until today. I did my Christmas shopping that year on plastic. My friend was evicted the following month. I imagine that Christmas debt is still part of what I’m paying off.
We adopted our kids with credit (Hey, if it is for their benefit, it’s “good” debt, right? That’s what I told myself at the time. Looking back we could have covered our legal fees with a second job or fund-raising or searching for adoption grants.)
After Financial Peace University, we seriously re-evaluated our giving and elected to stick to a planned giving schedule. We planned and budgeted for all of our charitable giving for 2010 back in December, before Haiti’s earthquake. (Lesson #1—plan extra next year as a “discretionary” amount).
I watched the news and the telethon with big tears in my eyes. Many of my friends’ adopted children are Haitian, and through our contacts with adoption agencies, we keep up with some of the orphanages there—especially those caring for children with HIV and AIDS, as that’s a cause that is very important to our family.
I asked my husband in our budget meeting if we could send more. He reminded me what we learned in class – that we cannot sacrifice the security of our family for others.
Here is where we’re apt to disagree. Personally, I don’t see debt as “peril” in comparison to the dire circumstances that others are—but he does. “We’ll give like crazy people if you want” he told me “after the debt is paid.” Likewise on my planned mission trips—to build an orphanage and school in Africa. “Not until our life, and our childrens’ security are assured. No debt, medical savings, and education savings—and then give/do whatever you want for whomever you want.
It breaks my heart, but my mind does know he’s right. We sent a small token contribution to Haiti, and then sent all of our airline miles (hey, we’re not traveling anytime soon) to Medical Teams International who will have medical teams in Haiti for the next five years. (If you have Alaska miles you can make a charitable transfer for free). It doesn’t feel like enough to me, and I feel like a wretched human being for not doing more.
When we’re debt free and have built our emergency funds though, we will be planning in some funds for Haiti’s recovery. We should be ready early next year—and by then, Haiti will likely be out of the limelight and in need of additional funds for rebuilding.
Dear readers, I welcome your thoughts on this—even if you think I’m wrong.
Is it OK to justify debt? Is it OK to borrow for a “good cause”?
Do you find yourself classifying your debt into “good” and “bad?”
Perhaps the hardest one justification for me is “helping” others. I’m a helper by nature, but part of our Financial Peace University commitment to stick to our budget is really straining me right now. I put a sticky note in my wallet with the scripture from the lesson in FPU to make me think before I write a check– “But if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
It all depends on the dollar amount. If you’re talking about giving one of those $10 text donations that’s no big deal, I’m sure you can sacrafice some out of your entertainment/clothing/household/misc. category for that. If you’re talking about a few hundred dollars than that’s a different story. I tend to agree with your husband, you can help far more later by being out of debt and not paying large amounts of interest to the banks. There will always be a crisis somewhere and a need for money.
If you really want to help see if you can donate your time somewhere. Are there groups that are packaging supplies to go down to Haiti, or could you watch the kids for someone who may be going down to Haiti to help. Or even not necessarily for Haiti but for something else. There are plenty of ways to help people without using money.
From the start of your post, it sounds like you didn’t do anything and were going to justify that, but you did donate to Haiti. A token contribution in your mind, in the hands of the right organization (like Unicef), goes a long way. And you gave your airmiles which is something I, personally, have a very hard time letting go of. Like, can’t. let. go.
And you know what, Haiti is going to need our help for a long, long time. So, make that your goal. When you are out of debt and have your savings, retirement and college funds fully funded, Haiti will still need your help. And there won’t be any telethons at that point.
Honestly, I think you have to do what you FEEL is best. Period. And I don’t think anyone should make you feel bad for donating a little, or nothing at all. We have our chosen charities and donate to them monthly, and will donate a little ‘here and there’ to other charities as well, but when it comes down to it, it’s nobodies business but your own.
Honestly, I donated my entire entertainment/eating out budget for the month to Haiti. If your car broke down or if something bad happens unexpectedly, you would find some way to cope. So I am guessing people whose hearts are big enough, will find a way to donate. Always!
Like you, Jessica, we donated our FF miles because we wanted to do something, but don’t have any extra now to give. We’ve always tried to step up to donate, going into debt to do so at times (I personally am a big believer in karma, or what goes around, comes around), so it’s hard not to now. I think the suggestion of donating your time is a good one. I know right where you’re at right now with this.
i also havent given to haiti because i am a little strapped for cash, i dont think it would be wise for me to get into debt for a good cause. if i dont have cash, i dont have cash. there will always be other ways to help people in future when i get enough to spare.
As the saying is, you can’t help others until you’ve helped yourself. Despite debt, I know I can’t give up charitable giving entirely. I may not be able to afford as much as I’d like to, but I know if I pay off my debt, I can afford to give more. If I don’t pay off my debt, I won’t be able to (and eventually it will catch up to me where I can’t give any!). I love to help people, too, but right now it’s not feasible to help as much as I wish I could.
However, as a friend pointed out, right now we’re focusing on Haiti because of the poverty, where they don’t have food, shelter, and medical care en masse. Yet, every day there are people facing horrible situations like that (even in the US) that don’t get the attention. (Note: they weren’t dismissing Haiti’s situation; Haiti needs help because they can’t fix it without help.) Some day, when the finances are in order, there will still be people who need our help. To use a sports analogy: Right now it’s hard to sit on the sidelines (small donations), but with hard work (paying off our debt), we can be a star in the future. If we give our all now, we could hurt ourselves and never become the star we could be. But it’s really hard to sit on the sidelines and wait for our turn.
I so feel you on this one. I too, always want to give, give, give, even if it’s at my own expense. But I definitely feel like giving can be worth making huge sacrifices personally. Right now my husband and I are paying for his ex co-worker to go to college. We are on such a tight budget that we live with my in-laws. Sure, we could probably rent a place if we didn’t have his monthly tuition to pay, but I feel better about life in general when I can give and do what feels right in my heart. Sounds like you’ve already done a lot and hopefully will be able to squeeze as much of your budget as possible to do more!
I am new to this site. Very helpful. Can’t wait to read on more and how your digging out of credit debts.
Your comments here are so valid for giving funds to Haiti when still owing to creditors. It’s a smart move to think with the head first and not just with knee jerk feelings. Although, according to the statistics out there, with most Americans being in debt, if we all waited to be out of debt to aid others, too many people would be left suffering. Seems to me it just takes some serious thinking and perhaps a leap of faith sometimes when you just know people are without even the basics and most of us still are even with debts. No easy answer I know.
Donating FF miles, and time are great ways to donate without putting yourself deeper in debt.
If you feel strongly about making a donation, look at another place in your budget you can cut back. If you have money saved up for car expenses, maybe you can negotiate putting $10 less in that bucket for next month’s budget.
Even a $10 donation is a help, as others have noted. The estimated US population right now is 308,604,706 according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Let’s say 1/2 of that number are unable to donate $10 because they are children, or otherwise unable to donate $10. That would leave 154,302,353 people able to donate $10. If EVERYONE able, donated $10, just the United States would raise 1,543,023,530.
All that said, your money will be more valuable when Haiti is out of the spot light anyway. I have to assume they can’t spend the money they have fast enough right now anyway, so you’re talking about sending them more money at a time when they have more than they can deal with (there is only so much work that can get done in a 24 hour period) In 6-10 months when the funds are being depleted and the limelight is off the country, your $10 will be much more needed, and you can spend the next couple of months getting things paid down.
How about setting a goal of “Once we get our next debt paid off, we’ll send $XXX to Haiti for rebuilding the country?” Maybe that’s something you can both get behind and be motivated to get to as a short term goal?
Sound like you need to learn, who to give and who not to give too. The money you gave to your friend was pointless, because they still gotten evicted. I know that it is your money and you can give to whoever you please, but it look like you need to limit money to friends.
I think that often we put a lot of emphasis on giving a contribution of monetary value because that’s what expected. Sure, in many cases that’s the most immediate need. However, I think sometimes self-assessment is warranted and the goal is not to get in a worse fix because you have given. Why not look at other options that may work where you are able to give of yourself, time and service and still make a contribution. Many church and non-profit groups are working to get supplies together to send to those desperately needing help. Too, you may even find that putting your heart, body and spirit into a hands-on-project even more rewarding. Just a thought.
Money isn’t the only thing you have to donate. I prefer to donate goods and services. Money is in such a gray area. You have charities complaining that they aren’t getting their fair share of the Haiti donations…. lets start out as a $100 bill. I donate you to a cause, Haiti. if they propose this committee of who gets what portion of this $100 you lose a bit of it. so now that $100 is now $85. then it goes to that organization then it is reduced again, $40 is left to actually help.
I support others by donating blood every 2 months. Also volunteering at Habitat for Humanity. You shouldn’t put others in business by putting yourself in debt. Sure Monetary donations are needed. But ask yourself this… How can you help others if you can’t help yourself…