This summer I really want to focus on improving myself. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and of course financially.
Last summer was me just trying to survive. This summer needs to be about me beginning to thrive. All the pieces are in place now. I’ve met more friends lately and feel I actually have some semblance of a social network now. My business still has a long way to go, but at least this month has been fantastic.
So this summer I really want to be present here and now. The last year I’ve always been looking to the future when I might be out of debt. It’s caused me to really miss out on being present and enjoying the here and now. So, this summer will also be about the here and now.
The reality is that I’m likely going to be in debt for a long time. If it takes me 5 years, then so be it, but I don’t want to waste 5 years or more of my life just because I think I can’t live until I’m out of debt. That’s just lame. And really not healthy.
So how do I live with everything? Well, sometimes when I forget about everything, it’s wonderful. When I’m hanging out with friends, I shouldn’t be thinking about my financial issues, I should just be having fun (frugal fun of course!).
I’ve constantly beat myself up for my mistakes. It’s time for me to forgive myself (easier said than done when you lose 150K of your mother’s money!). My past mistakes will continue to have very real consequences in my life, but if I get down on myself every time I’m having fun and not working, or every time I spend money, I will just be miserable.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s really a great attitude to take. Thanks for the reminder. Good luck!
Way to go! That is definitely the right attitude to have! Have you read Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now? I think you might enjoy it, if you like to read. It is all about living in the present.
I too am planning on a summer of growth from all aspects of my life as well. It should be a good one! Keep going, you are on the right track!
Check out this site when you get a chance, it is pretty awesome:
Mindset Review
Hey debtkid
Last week I sat down and read your blog from start to finish. The one thing that stood out to me and does in this post is you losing your Mum’s money and rightly so. But this saddens me as although you need to do the right thing by your Mum you need also to focus more on Jesus forgiveness. Until you understand that concept and accept fully his forgiveness then you not fully forgive yourself and you will make the same mistake again no matter how much you hate were you are now. Trust me I know.
Secondly there are ways to tell your friends that you are in debt without having to ever tell the whole story. I used to say “I can’t afford it at the moment I had some investments that went bad” If it is pushed by your friends just do a Bindi Irwin and say “Do you mind that is kinda personal” in the nicest possible way. I found when I told my friends that was enough and it took the pressure off them to spend money they didn’t have. My friends wanted to be around me because they could afford it.
Lastly I think this post is alot more positive, you need to remember that your personal debts are different to your business debts. If you are working hard in your business and paying down your debts and getting a wage, having a personal life is your business and it is okay to enjoy your 20s. Keep the two things seperate not just financially but in your head and your heart.
By the way did you get your mattress?
@ Yay – My faith (as a Christian) is something I don’t write about much here, but it is something that is very central to my life. I don’t write about it much here because it’s a very personal thing for me. I usually only share my thoughts on God with people who I feel very comfortable with. So, if you want more, just e-mail me : )
I did not get the mattress yet. I did reach my sales goal that I set, but the sale ended before I hit it. I think I may hold out a few more months. My lease is up at the end of summer, and I’ll likely wait until I know where I’ll be living.
Debtkid- when your lease expieres why don’t you go home and live with your mother or father. You seem to be spending a lot of money on rent, when it seems you business can work from most anywhere. Instead of rent you could be paying it to your mother and helping her around the house…even if for the short time…6 months to a year??
This has always been confusing to me why you haven’t done that yet?
Have you considered writing a book about your story to help other young people in their college years or 20-somethings deal with their debt or hopefully avoid it altogether thru the lessons you learned the hard way? Maybe you’d make $$ to help pay your debt off in the process. Just a random thought.
I’ve been reading your blog and find it very, very comforting (in a strange sort of camaraderie way)…I’m 46 and am losing my house and having to file bankruptcy as a result of a divorce and several ensuing years of (at the time) undiagnosed bi-polar disorder which causes me to veer sharply from intelligent, funny and together to uncontrollably crying and composing “last notes” to my loved ones. I write now because i wanted to tell you that i recently spent a week in the hospital with a ruptured appendix and, despite the pain and fear (though the staff was amazing), I was more relaxed and “free” feeling than I have been in well over a year. I didn’t have access to e-mail, my phone wasn’t ringing off the hook with creditors, I wasn’t getting bins of mail telling me I’m a deadbeat delivered to my mailbox daily and – above all – i didn’t have to take care of anyone or worry about anyone except myself. My biggest decision was what to have for my meals and whether I wanted to read, watch TV or sleep. I found I really didn’t want to eat much (I generally am a pretty major stress eater) – and I wanted to sleep and read a lot more than I wanted to watch TV. I don’t want to lay blame on anyone or anything beside myself, but “modern life” doesn’t make handling ones emotional well-being any easier. Have a good summer DebtKid…my husband and I are moving back home to be near our families and, hopefully, have a more balanced life. Thanks for your help along the way.
I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. I’ve been cleaning up an overwhelming credit mess dumped on me by family and sometimes it feels like I’m just trying to get through each day until I’m finally out from this mess and can RELAX and live. It really sucks sometimes. Loosing yourself in activities where you totally forget about your problems is the best. I have a nice long list of those and I’ll pick one if I’m feeling overwhelmed. I also try and schedule a couple in to my day just to have a break. For instance I take my dog for a walk everyday while listening to music, I’ll play video games at night or relax with a book and glass of wine.
In addition to feeling better by escaping, I’m also trying to improve my day to day anxiety about the situation. It sucks if the only time you feel good is when you’re avoiding. So I’m working on gently refocusing my thoughts when I think negative thoughts, staying optimistic with affirmations, expressing gratitude, meditation, etc. Right now I’m having more positive days than negative ones so I think I’m doing something right!
Regarding your other ideas for improvement this summer-they sound fantastic. It will be nice to focus your energy on things other than business and debt. How about making some specific goals? If you have a goal to call and invite a friend to do one activity a week, or to walk everyday for 30 minutes, it will give you direction, focus and you can blog about it for accountability and encouragement!
DK it is hard to relate to your situation because the numbers are much more than it seems one could handle. Your bankruptcy takes care of some of the personal debt, but you still have your student loans, car, and mom to pay back. It’s hard to go about day to day things when the financial mess is always in the back of your head. I think staying positive is the best thing you can do, and try to enjoy your 20s while you’re there. At some point you used to have a spreadsheet listing everything, do you still maintain that?
@ ! – regarding moving in with mom or dad….it’s on the option table for later this summer once my lease is up. I can almost run my business from anywhere, and should be there by later this year.
@ Mel – There is something very comforting about getting away from modern life. I don’t know if I could do it forever, but now and then, it’s nice to see how little we really need to be happy.
@ shel – Thanks! I’m excited to really have some personal goals this summer beyond financial ones.
@ Jim – don’t forget IRS and business debt : ). I do still have a spreadsheet, been meaning to post it for awhile now…gotta do that…
It is good for people to take a break every once in a while. As long as you remember the frugal lessons that you have learned you should be able to relax and enjoy yourself, knowing that you are not overindulging.
Just what your parents need as they’re age: a single adult son moving in, saddled by big debt.Especially thinking of your mother, but I guess people return to the scene of the crime.I find it hard to believe someone suggested this as a solution. What about the parents? Maybe they should hire a lawyer to quickly put a halt to this type of thinking.
PUPS…you missed the point…instead of paying rent to a stranger he could be giving that money to his mother.
Also, my mother would start doing back flips if I moved in with her. She would be ecstatic.
No brainer then DK…make the plan to move in with your mom. It doesn’t have to be forever. Also, I think you should have a ’signed’ lease agreement with her stating yours and hers expectations (mow the lawn, do your own laundry, buy food, etc).
DK, the social aspect would be good and healthy for you too. You have been craving social interaction with another human that knows your situation and sometimes even watching a TV show with someone you care about and cares about you is a gift.
This is a bad idea however, if you do NOT pay her rent equal to or more than you are paying today…otherwise it is taking advantage once again.
Well said DK! I would say keep out of debt, take help from debt consolidation companies. In the mean while start saving 75% of the raise that you would get in future. This will not harm your standard of living and soon you will have enough to payoff your debt.