Whew. Whew. Whew……………………………………….
When a tragedy happens, everyone copes differently. Some people just want to be alone, others want to be surrounded 24/7.
The last few weeks, I’ve spent most of my time in a hospital watching my future mother-in-law fight a losing battle with cancer.
After she passed away, it’s been difficult for my fiancee to cope. More difficult than she had thought. Even though she knew this day was coming, it still is hitting her harder than expected.
So, we went shopping.
Which is weird, because we NEVER go shopping.
And it felt.
Awesome.
I don’t know if it was just the stark difference in environment from a hospital, but wandering a mall for hours was blissful.
I can’t believe I even just wrote that last sentence.
Anyway, it may not have been the healthiest (for my debt at least!) way to cope, but gosh darn it, it was nice.
I never thought I’d actually see a benefit from the consumeristic nature of the “Mall”….but I did. So did my frugal fiancee.
We didn’t spend outrageously. Not by any means, but we did buy a few items of clothing at higher end stores that we might normally snub our noses at.
It really was a strange, but honestly refreshing experience.
Any other frugal people ever had an experience like this before?
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Sorry to hear about your family’s loss. It’s true that people cope in different ways. In the past, I’ve been very frugal and then “something” comes up that I find upsetting and I make a major purchase (new computer, or televisions, etc…) to make me feel better. It’s a stark contrast to my wife who like to shop all the time, but doesn’t spend much at any given time.
So sorry about your loss. That’s very sad. I do understand the retail therapy, especially in grief. I’m not sure what it is. I had a similar experience after my grandmother’s sudden passing in the summertime. I didn’t make major purchases, but went out right away and started looking for things I knew my kids would be needing in the future (Christmas dresses, etc, even though it was month early). I think it was like that fight or flight instinct… I felt like I had to “provide” materially in the way that I could–as if time was running out.
Also, we found we ate out more than we usually permit–too emotionally fatigued to plan meals and cook.
Eventually we found that the best thing was to write down a plan (I even wrote the meal plan on the calendar) until we were back to going about our frugal ways automatically. It just took a manual “reset” of our system.
A very strange experience indeed. For sure though, the change of pace, business of a mall and things are a nice stimulating, positive and relatively clean environment after a hospital–the contrast might be good. My husband works in a prison and when he’s been working a lot of overtime he’ll sometimes go on weird little sprees–of days spent at the mall walking among the “normal people.” He’s not a big spender–he usually just picks up a new shirt or two and an ice cream cone.
Sorry to hear about your loss. I can say that I have definitely felt the joys of retail therapy. I even admit to overspending during a therapy trip and feeling the buyer’s remorse which results in me returning something. While trying to get out of debt, I have become really picky with what I buy at malls, but just going can sometimes give you a bit of the retail high. A favorite thing for me to do is just go and try on shoes, it always makes me feel a little better.
That said, I think this was a great trip for both of you. It allowed you to people watch, try on nice clothes and feel good about yourself again.
I often wished I was one of those people who NEVER shop or only buy that specific item that they need after extensive research. I’ve wasted so much money on clothes and stuff that I hardly ever use. I realized a long time ago that shopping was my addiction. I didn’t smoke, drink excessively, never gambled but I did do plenty of shopping especially if I was going through anything that made me feel particularly sensitive. I would return some of my purchases on the following Monday. That’s the one good thing about retail therapy …its returnable. Or you can donate it charity and get a warm fuzzy feeling inside and a receipt to use at tax time for charitable donations.
(Sorry for your loss. My prayers go to you and your family.)
I completely identify with this. My grandmother passed away last week, and my future mother-in-law took me out for a day of window-shopping when it became apparent I couldn’t afford the trip to the funeral. I didn’t buy anything but a unity candleholder for my upcoming wedding, but I realized at the end of the day that I needed to spend a little money and not care. I’d spent the past two and a half years being frugal, paying off debt (which is now fully paid off, thank God), and I think I was tired. Tired of caring, tired of being vigilant. Grief causes you to put small purchases into perspective, and I relaxed to the point of offering to take my fiancé’s parents out for dinner. They wouldn’t let me, and I got very upset. I now am of the opinion that as long as they’re not blowing hundreds of dollars, you should let a grieving person breathe a little financially–and if they want to take you out for dinner to have a little company, by GOD, let them do it. They probably just don’t want to be alone or have to think about their budget for two seconds (especially if that dang budget it what makes it impossible for them to go to the funeral).