You could show your brother the documentation, too. Say hey, this is what she wants done. It’s nothing between you and me.

Maybe it was make him realize the mistakes he’s made in the past.

A tough situation, but if you are the legal executor of the estate, it must be done to her wishes, not to how you feel.

just my two cents.

Glad to read you will do the right thing by your mom. My mom had Parkinson’s and died last Friday…. She and my dad had a nice nest egg set aside – following his passing two years ago mom needed to be in an assisted living facility. She had the funds so that her care was povided in the way and manner she wished, without being a burden on any of her children.

The funds you owe your mom will be needed and used by her long before you would require them. They will mean the difference between her living her “golden years” in comfort and independently as long as possible. Without return of these funds are you (and your siblings) prepared to take her into your homes and provide the care she may need when the time comes?

One final note: in cleaning out my mom’s final documents we found a letter today – it seems my parents made a $40,000 loan to my brother and his wife 12 years ago so they could purchase a new home. This money was from my parents’ retirement funds. My brother has never repaid the money. The document left by my mom says that the $40,000 is to be deducted from his share of the estate since he’s not repaid the $$…. or, should there be no money left at the time of their/her passing, forgiven.

There was no information in the document regarding interest or time frame when the loan was to be repaid. I am now in the uncomfortable position of contacting my brother and discussing this unpaid loan and the deduction of these funds from his share of the estate…..

I now understand why my parents were so hurt these past few years when my brother, as their home increased in value, would refinance the loan, take out equity and purchase a sail boat or new car.

My brother had an opportunity to show his integrity – and it didn’t happen. Now I’m saddled tring to figure out how to “making it right” for my other siblings who were provided with the same opportunities, but repaid the loans when they had been extended.

Tell me – what would you do?…. And what would you have your siblings do? The money my brother “owes” the estate now represents $10,000 each for me and my other brother and sisters…. I could use and benefit from the added $10,000…. but is it worth the bad blood and hard feelings to raise the issue?

You are young (your 20s) – you’re reckless behavior resulted in a significant loss to your mother who is older and facing retirement far sooner than you. While she’s graciously given you the ability to “pay back” the funds at 0% – this is a HUGE “loss opportunity” cost for her since she doesn’t have the funds to invest elsewhere and earn interest against.

So, for your mother, this is a “double loss” — a loss of the funds currently… the funds she took years to earn and save… then the loss of interest she would be earning had you not lost the money.

You should be paying your mother the absolute maximum you can afford every month until the $$ is returned – then start saving and investing for yourself. You have years to “make-up” for your retirement and future…. your mother, not so many. This could make the difference for her in so many ways as to her standard of living and decisions regarding where she’ll be living, medical insurance, long term care, etc.

So…. start paying your mother back and until she is paid in full, forget about your own savings or investment.