How can you truly know joy?
It’s been a very emotional past few days for me. I totally crashed on Saturday night and realized some major issues I needed to address. I wrote a nice long post about it, but I’m keeping it private. Even for an anonymous blog, some things are just too personal, you know? So that one’s just for me.
One thing I know for certain right now is that my own perception of myself is not matching up with the feedback I’m receiving from others. It’s something that happened to me 7 years ago when I went through a period of severe depression. I’m no where near that point now, but this weekend I saw some acute warning signs (not keeping up on day to day life stuff, laundry, cleaning, not sleeping well, etc) that made me concerned. So, I’m going to go back to the counselor I saw last year. I’ve had a crazy last 12 months, and while I process things internally, I think my internal processing is a bit skewed right now. Anyway, so that’s that.
IRS Update
I’m waiting for the official confirmation now from the IRS of a payment plan for the 28K or so that I owe there. I pushed for a $600/month payment. It’s possible within my business budget, assuming I continue to have months like this month. May will easily be the most profitable month my business has ever had. Even after my salary, It looks like I’m going to be able to sock away about $3000 extra this month in an ING business account I setup a few months back. I made the transfer request today, and if I did my cashflow analysis right I shouldn’t run into any low balance issues through the end of the month.
I can’t tell you how good it feels to be even slightly ahead. Of course, I’m really, really behind….but you know what I mean. Short term ahead. I figure if I can continue to sock away a few thousand each month on the business side of things, I will at some point be able to start offering settlement amounts on the larger business lines still outstanding. That’s the plan at least.
I’m being very conservative with money right now. Last summer I was wildly throwing money (in my business) into a number of different projects to get something to stick. Now, I’ve got some stability and I’m hoping to build the business savings a bit like I mentioned above. It doesn’t mean I won’t be investing back into the business. Not by any means, but I will not be doing it with the wild abandon I was not too long ago.
Pain
Pain is a really interesting human experience. In my short young life, I feel I’ve had a decent share of it. Sometimes because of my own choices, but sometimes just because of life. When I was really upset on Saturday my friend came over and calmed me down a bit and reminded me that, “someday you’ll be able to look back at this time and see how much you grew”
In my past experiences with suffering, loss….I’ve grown. I’m hoping this time will be no different.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I have no doubt whatsoever that you will someday be more successful than you can imagine at a time like this.
Being aware of the warning signs that accompany a slide into even the mildest of depressions is huge. If you can see them, you can make a plan to overcome them. Great job on the therapist. Fantastic idea, I’m sure it will help a ton to have someone to talk to about all this. Hopefully he/she will help you see just how well you’re really doing. I doubt most people would have even had the strength to deal with all this and here you are with a plan to not only deal with it, but to succeed above and beyond.
Personally I come here for a little boost. I’m in the middle of cleaning up a giant credit mess (stuff I didn’t even KNOW ABOUT, so its been really trying) and whenever I have a tough phone call to make or I’m dreading dealing with I I think about how well you and a few others are doing and it really kicks my butt. I;m sure you’re a source of inspiration to a lot of people. Keep up the amazing work!
Thanks for being so brutally honest with us!
$3,000 deposited into your ING account???
I didn’t think you could build savings $$ while in bankruptcy.
I know you want to build up an emergency savings fund, however, you should be focused on repaying your debts… Your ING account is earning far less interest than what the IRS is charging.
And while your mom didn’t charge you interest, IMHO, you should be paying her every extra penny you have that isn’t going towards your own debt obligations or basic living expenses.
If you think your mom was happy with the $600 you gave her at mother’s day, can you imagine how much she’d appreciate the $3,000? Between the $3 K, plus the $600 on Mother’s day, and one month’ installment (you said it was $400 p/mo) your mom could have her 2008 IRA contribution deposited.
I actually think it’s a good idea to invest some $$ back into the business and grow it wisely. That’s the best bet in paying off the debt as quickly as possible, including to mom. Just my 2 cents. It’s all about balance.
@ Smart Girl – Remember, I am talking about my business here, not my personal finances. My bankruptcy was only on the personal side. I keep all personal and business finances very separate now.
Great work debt kid you are making progress. With regards to where you put your money it should all fit into a “plan.” This is often talked about but, never executed. Yes you should pay everyone back in time but, it must be according to a plan. If you don’t mind me askng what are you investing in at ING stocks, options or mutual funds?
Blake just informed me that you are executing your plan. The reason why I ask what you are investing in is because there are several types of investments you would want to stay away from. Since, I have experience in “security analysis” and conduct extensive research on stocks and mutual funds I could help you out.
@ Cliff – The ING account is just a business savings account. Any “investments” I make on the business side will be reinvestments into my own business, not stocks/mutual funds etc.
Do you have extra cash flow that does not need to go to the business?
Cliff really knows his stuff – I mean he’s a freak really. He likes helping with this kind of stuff too much haha. I am getting him up to speed on your story.
I completely understand where Smart Girl is coming from and I don’t completely disagree necessarily. But sort of expanding on what you said, when you are managing the cash flow of your own business it is hard to pass judgment from an outside perspective.
If there is a safe business investment opportunity where your customer base has a predictable pattern then that’s a good choice. Just my opinion…
Hi Debt Kid—I am curently buying a house subject to a short sale. The seller agreed to my offer…now I wait for the bank to decide. Can you give me some idea what to expect from the bank, etc and maybe twist it to the buyers point of view??
I am ruminating over various comments and I still don’t think you or any of your commenters have any idea of what a Federal tax lien is going to do to your business. Have you inquired i.e. asked your personal banker, or a tax attorney? Now might be the time.
Good point Wolf, that is what I wanted to say but, that is a can of worms in itself. I would just say have a IRS tax professional negotiate your IRS situation. This will ensure that IRS lien is not attached to personal items. Yes they can attach a lien to various assets for non payment; however, debtkid is making a payment arrangement so that should not happen.
Wolf makes a great point talk to a professional attorney and “IRS accountant” who know how to work within the system. That all I want to say because this really is a can of worms.
Side note IRS accountant: This is someone who used to work for the IRS and now does public accounting.
Elaboration to Cliff Page: DK makes payment arrangements, not payments. Witness many signed business credit card agreements, promising to maintain payments (unpaid) and a DMP (unpaid.) Just some history for you.
@ the wolf – that’s just a blatant lie. Here’s some history for you: I paid all my business credit card arrangements that I worked out at 0%. The DMP was a mistake, and I filed the BK shortly after that. But I paid when I said I would on the DMP, I made it clear to them that I would be stopping payments.
I will not miss an IRS payment. Just stick around and watch…
Mr. Wolf lets try and be supportive it does not help to be critical. I appreciate your passion about the subject. However, debt kid has been willing to open up this very personal matter to everyone and we should support him.
Hang in there. Try to just do things rather than being idle and thinking. I’m similar in that if I think too much about myself I get depressed. It’s better if I’m doing something to make myself better. It helps me forget and the gradual improvement that comes from the action makes me feel better.
Thats go advice. Just follow your plan and remember to be flexible.