I hate Sunday Mornings

I can’t recall you ever acknowledging one of my posts, but I feel as though I should repeat previous advice.

I realise you may not want to hear it, hence the lack of recognition, but you have to find a way to simply tell people.

Practice a few ways of telling people what’s happened. Until you find one that’s comfortable and then simply tell them.

When we went bust, I was in the same situation exactly. I couldn’t find the words, so deflected even the most mundance question – I had to think carefully when people commented on the weather even!

Then I thought “what the heck”. I can’t keep living like this – keeping it all inside. It will slowly eat me away.

So I started telling people. New clients for example in the resurrected business following the previous one’s collapse.

I told them straight – even before they asked. And when people did ask questions, I’d turn the conversation quite quickly to the fact I’d gone bust.

The longer you put off finding a way to tell people what’s going on, the longer you will suffer.

If I was to tell you there was a magic pill you could take which would end it, I bet you’d be interested. Esepcially if I said it was herbal, it’s free, and it may take 3 tablets before it starts to take effect.

You’d give it a try (I hope).

That’s what I’m saying – just try it. You’ll take the tablets for a week or two, and then find that you don’t need them because you naturally repel that instinctive clamming up.

Sorry, just my 2 cents!

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I really like what Ian said. To add to what he said about finding a way of telling people what has happened, you may need to tweak the way that you are thinking about it yourself. Did you ever read the quote, Experience is something you get right after you needed it? [Are we allowed to quote from books?] A Dave Ramsey book has the extended version of that quote. It was about wise Uncle Zed, an old mountaineer from West Virginia. When asked how he’d become so wise, he said “Weren’t hard, I’ve got good judgment. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience, well that comes from having bad judgment.” So DK, you are simply on your way to becoming wise. Who you were then is not who you are now, so you might feel ashamed of that other guy [but you're not him any more, so don't be ashamed of yourself!!!], detach from it a bit if you can. I know it’s hard when you are dealing with collectors daily.

I tend to deflect feeling embarrassed of my past poor judgement with humor. A friend recently asked me how I felt about closing our business (she didn’t know if she should congratulate me, or offer sympathy) and I said- hey offer sympathy for my horrible decisions three years ago…but I am glad to be done with it now, so congratulate me for sure.

As for bankruptcy? Mmmm, no one’s business. I have told a few friends (’regret telling a couple already, BTW. There was really no reason for them to know) but mostly I say that it’s going to take us a long time to recover from this, and leave it at that.

The fact is that you are taking great steps to change your situation. I mean, you have had the strength to take a new direction. The sooner you tell your friends the better. You may not realize how much energy it takes from you for them not to know. How much do you think about it? Once you’ve told them, you can just move on.

As far as new acquaintances? You may just want to leave it that you are making major changes in your life because of some bad decisions in the past. That way you don’t have to pretend that everything’s “peachy,” but you aren’t spilling your guts to strangers.

I love that Ian tells his clients. It shows integrity, and people in business know how things go. Better to hear it from you, and know that you’ve worked it out now, then to think that you’ve tried to cover it up. But every situation is different. Business failures are one subject, online trading another. So like he said, find what is the most comfortable, and then do it. Another quote I like: “Always do what you don’t want to do.” If it makes you uncomfortable, that is a good thing! You will probably like it after a while. Honestly, I feel challenged when I feel uncomfortable. It’s usually a sign that I am doing the right thing.

Best wishes….

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DK,

One thing I should add to that – you get support. Just before Xmas, we landed our biggest ever client – AFTER I told him we’d recently gone bust.

The thing that’s amazed me is how many people have – and they really understand. People appreciate honesty. And while it’s not dishonest not telling people the full story, you can give off the wrong vibes.

People buy people. And they especially buy people they can trust. And people can tell – be it body language or hesitancy in what you say – that you’re holding something back.

That can make people nervous.

It’s all about perception. If you think about telling people and see it as a bad thing, it will come across that way.

If you tell people about it positively, they will respect you.

For example – “having had the experience of a failure behind me, I’m the best choice because…” and thell them how that experience has helped you build a stronger product/service.

I’ve been able to tell prospective clients we are a better bet because we went bust. As a result, all the things we did wrong have been eradicated. Our service is slicker and better than the rest.

It really works in business – and personally too. I’ve even been at networking events and picked up business – despite pretty much telling everyone in the room I went bust.

It’s like alot of things in life – it may feel awkward at first. But the second time it’s easier. The third, it’s become second nature.

I think you’ll find it gives you alot of energy. Try telling someone and reporting back in the blog. Maybe some people won’t be forgiving. But that becomes self-filtering – if they can’t accept you for who you are, then they’re probably not worth knowing – or having as a client.

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