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I’m finally doing what I always should have done, and what I thought nearly everyone did. I’m budgeting. An actual written budget about what gets spent in the household. And my family sticks to it.
Being a personal finance writer, my money is a pretty open book, as I often write from experience, but I’ve recently had a rash of people either believing or treating me as if I was broke. Where did I mislead them?
A few times recently I’ve been invited to a party and heard “but don’t bring gifts, we know you’re on a budget” or “we don’t want to cause you any hardship…”
What? Hardship in celebrating our loved ones birthdays? Hardship in having guests for dinner? No way! We’re on a budget, not broke. Those gifts and entertainment opportunities are budgeted for, believe it or not.
On the contrary, we’re on a budget because we have seen the symptoms in our household of more than enough. You know, spoilage (in children or in refrigerators, the root is the same), glut, clutter, and increased desire for “stuff.”
We put it all to rest with a budget. When my toddler wants something at the toy store I can say “no honey, we didn’t bring our “Melat toy money.” I will take that next week when I go shopping for your birthday present, but right now it is time to shop for our friends’ present.” We model healthy financial behavior and avoid spoilage.
Being deliberate about our spending does not mean we cannot spend or that we have no money. Some of the wealthiest people I know live on budgets (Coincidence? I think not.).
Now, sometimes we will pass on an opportunity due to budget constraints. We’re skipping a two day-trip out of town with friends, because we’re seeing them the week prior, and our vacation money this summer is spent. But we’re not poor. Six days of vacation in a summer is more than we took even on our honeymoon, and we’ll do another week of vacation in the winter.
For those of you that haven’t tried it yet, being on a budget is not a symptom of poverty; It is the antidote and the preventative. There’s no need for pity, accommodation or gifts of frozen casserole. We’re doing great. We’re living like nobody else, so one day we can live like nobody else, just like Dave says.
Don’t pity your budgeting friends. Mimic them. Maybe there’s something to it. Just my two cents for today.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Still driving around a new car?
Me? No way. Both cars in my household are paid off and in excess of 150,000 miles.
It is funny to hear people say this to you. My parents do this to my wife and me. If we say that XX is not in the budget this month, they immediately assume that we are broke. It can be rather amusing, but also awkward.
excellent point! Glad to hear someone make this distinction. I also like the way you put that line to your toddler. You didn’t say “we can’t afford it” (which, I know, has some negative psychological consequences! and isn’t the case) but put a different spin on it which is more productive anyway.
Being on a budget is the best thing one can do for themselves. You never know when a raining day will come. Those who live on a regular budget are prepare, those who don’t are lost.
I used to think budgeting was so tedious, but now having seen how much it saved me I’m converted!
I just had a related experience this weekend.
My sis called and asked if I was coming to the big birthday event (for another sister) next week. I’m sure I’d already told her that I wasn’t planning to make the trip (involving a $300 flight), but I reiterated it, and reminded her that I had told the BIL that I had to have more advanced notice to plan it into the budget. (He had told me just this spring.) Then she tells me that he had said he was buying me a ticket! Huh?? I’m not looking for charity, because we are NOT poor, just consideration to ask me well enough in advance to make budget plans.
Great post. This is so true.
This happens a lot to me as well. But with me I tend to get “the look” over them actually saying what they’re thinking. You know, the “oh, I’m so sorry you’re so poor” look. It always makes me chuckle a little to myself when I see it.
Nice article Jessica
Great article, Jessica. There’s a misconception when it comes to budgeting; certainly it doesn’t mean you are poor or suffering. In fact, being budget minded has allowed me to enjoy life’s great indulgences! For my husband and I, that is traveling. We are careful with our spending day-to-day to be able to afford trips large and small. Onlookers have even questioned if we have inheritances or have won the lottery. While I am a bit put off by such comments, I am proud of our budgeting and restraint in that it allows us to see the bigger picture of fulfillment!
I could really empathized with your commentary. I was lay off in January ( but found work again in July) and I remember friends wanting to treat me to meals. “Don’t worry,” they would often say, “take us out when you get a job again.” It wasn’t like I was turned out in the street or sucking on packets of ketchup. I had saved and budgeted and it meant a temporary life adjustment knowing that I was not producing an income. But I could still enjoy time with friends and even offer to pay if the company and time were great. It got to a point that I just didn’t go out anymore for a while because I was tired of the sympathy as much as it was appreciated. In some ways it felt a little like a slight, that I was not fiscally responsible and could not survive on my own in between jobs.
I got this a bit because although I wasn’t on a strict budget I didn’t have a credit card so had to factor the money I actually had into plans. Now I have a mortgage, people are much more understanding!
(But I now have to remind myself that I’m not *poor*, I’ve just chosen to spend my money on something else).