I’m not living my dream. This isn’t what I had planned. I’ve had three major dreams of mine crushed in the past few years.
- My dream growing up was to be an officer in the military.
- My dream family didn’t include divorced parents.
- My dream of being financially stable got a whallop when I day-traded away 250K.
How exactly does one handle crushed dreams?
Never, ever, give up
Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never — in nothing, great or small, large or petty — never give in, except to convictions of honour and good sense – Churchill 1941
Well, for one, you don’t give up. I almost did, not recently, but back in the early part of the decade my dream of becoming an officer was crushed. I had this idealistic dream that I would do something great as an officer. A unexpected and involuntary medical discharge changed that very quickly.
It took me years to recover. Even today I struggle with that crushed dream. But I never gave up the dream that I could do something big with my life. I don’t know what it is….maybe it’s just being a good husband, or father someday. I don’t know.
One thing I do know, when a dream is crushed, you can’t give up on your life. Something else will come along.
Let Time Heal
It’s amazing how much just a little bit of time can make situations better.
I mean, don’t you remember the first time you got dumped? (OK, maybe that’s just me….but it sucked!)
Now, you look back at that time, and you laugh, right? I know I do. But at the time….gosh, I think I was depressed for all of 8th grade after my 7th grade girlfriend broke up with me.
Sometimes, to get through unexpected loss, the best technique is just to slog through time, hour by hour, day by day.
Turn your weaknesses into strengths
3 years ago, I was broke, had a day-trading addiction, no clue how to manage a budget, build a savings account, or any basic money skills.
Now, well, I’m no Dave Ramsey, but I’m ten-thousand times better at those skills because of the mistakes I made. Granted, I could have learned these skills without screwing up, but you get the idea.
I believe every mistake is an opportunity to learn. An opportunity to grow stronger.
I wanted to be a master day-trader without a care in the world. Well, that dream (as crazy as it was), got crushed. And I’m glad that it did. It could have happened softer, but that’s not life. Sometimes you just get smacked by a 2 x 4 of your own creation.
How have you handled crushed dreams?
We all don’t always achieve our original dreams. How have you handled losing a dream of yours?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
If you have a crushed dream, don’t you just have to get back up and dust yourself off?
As for the day trading mistakes, I agree with you that all of my financial mistakes (and there has been quite a few) have taught me more about finances than I ever knew before any of them happened. It is amazing how much better I feel about my financial future now that I have ‘fixed’ some of my mistakes.
Dave Ramsey, good teaching there! I had a dream crushed, but I would not be where I am, (great job, great place, great people), had that dream not been crushed.
I’ve had dreams that haven’t happened, but in each case my dream changed, rather than was crushed.
For instance, I always wanted to travel and have grand adventures–I never expected/desired that would be in Africa but now that I’ve been once, I can’t wait to go back.
I never thought I’d want to be married or have children, and now I can’t imagine life any other way.
Sometimes I think my dreams were just that–dreams–not goals. I can’t think of any of my dreams that I wish I’d somehow salvaged.
You might evaluate if your dreams were crushed by outside forces, or your own. And if it’s you, what are you doing to get back on track and turn that dream into a goal?
Just my opinion…
I’ve had things not work out my way, certainly–getting laid off last year from a job I thought it would be at for years to come–but ultimately, I didn’t like the job or the company all that much and really wanted to start my own business–but didn’t know how or what. The layoff wasn’t part of my plan or dream, but it was the kick-start that helped me to achieve my dream. Sometimes we don’t recognize our dreams until we’re living them I think.
Good luck and keep dreaming!