A little voice keeps telling me over and over, “what you’re doing isn’t worth anything” and “your ideas are just common” or “no one will ever pay for that…”
I have to break this chain of thinking. I got so much done today it was awesome! I also didn’t ever go to sleep last night! My project A plan is really coming on full steam and there is lots to do at the moment (I did take a 90 minute nap in the afternoon finally). And you know what, the project has turned out really well. It’s honestly 3x cooler and sophisticated than our competition and just as easy to use.
I don’t know if It’s going to fly the way I need it to…
but I do know one thing: I need to start believing and having faith in myself that I can create things of value.
At church on Sunday I realized how high of expectations I have for myself, much higher than anyone else (family, friends, God). Sometimes I need to not lower my expectations, but just be proud of what I’ve done.
For example:
- Since I vowed to quit trading I have not gotten even seriously close to funding any trading account. I have no intention of doing so until all my debts are paid off and I know how to invest, and not trade. If I had an addiction, it is no longer an issue at all.
- I short sold my house and avoided foreclosure
- I have kept my business going and somewhat stabilized it even amiss living in my office and sometimes not having a dime
- I have never missed payroll
- I have created some side-opportunities for myself that are challenging and pay well
Now, I’m not saying everything is great. It’s not, but I need to work on having a little more faith in myself.
: ) and I met a girl last week that I think might be kinda interested in me! (yes, I’m a bit giddy…)
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
good for you! aim for progress not perfection, I think what you have achieved and how you have handled yourself in the situation is amazing.
I just found your blog today. (and subscribed after going to the archive and spending the time to read every entry from the start of it all) Kudos to you for not only choosing to bust your butt and go through all this, but for taking the time to share your journey with the world. The wide world if finance, both personal and business is chock full of pitfalls that people deal with every day, and so few people take the time to get the word out there that it CAN be overcome. Not everyone has the balls to work for it. This has got to be even more difficult for you than even you let on in your blog, just keep in mind that your subscribers are all pulling for you. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s up to you to make sure that you don’t go blind staring off into the distance looking for it. It’ll come. ((((hugs & best wishes))))
I think we all have that little voice that whispers those negative thoughts in our ear. Just keep doing what you’re doing and that voice will start to get drowned out by another voice of achievement and worthiness. Hey, after seeing that picture of your bed on the floor, I want to recommend that you fix up the room to look more like a studio apartment, ie. sleeper sofa, small table and chairs, etc. Dress it up a bit so it doesn’t look so depressing day in and day out. (I’m a designer and I recognize how peoples spaces affect their outlook). Just put the word out that you’re looking for certain things and they’ll come your way. Good Luck.