I got an e-mail from a reader, and I want to share it here, because it will help me figure out my policy on the issue of accepting financial help.
Let me know where I can send it!”
Bless this reader’s heart. I almost started crying (but not quite, I only shed tears at respectable manly moments like the end of Saving Private Ryan, or It’s A Wonderful Life, or Where The Red Fern Grows).
Here’s my deal…
I feel like I’m finally growing into who I’m supposed to be with this whole mess that I’m in. It sucks, and it’s hard, and I hate my social situation at the moment…
But I also often feel more authentic and real and alive than I ever have now that I’m facing my problems.
How does this relate to accepting $ for a fridge from a very generous reader?
I don’t think I should do it (accept financial help from anyone). It boils down to the same reasons I’m going to tell my father that I won’t be accepting financial help from him (he offered to cover a bookkeeper and CPA to catch my business books/taxes up).
Why turn down cash help?
It just doesn’t feel right to me. I want to be a man, not a kid (when I picked this domain name, I picked it well…I’m still a “kid”). This process of facing what I’ve done and trying to fix the situation is slowly helping me to become the man I want to be. That sounds really cheesy, but it’s the truth.
And that doesn’t mean I don’t need help! Far from it! My father helps me in all kinds of ways. The little band of commenter’s on this site help me in all kinds of ways. I’m all for help and mentors and partnerships and networking and advice and all that good stuff.
But when it comes to accepting money donations, I’m just not going to do it. It doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind in a week (I’m a fluid person. Sometimes I’m just plain wrong about what’s best for me. IE, when I refused to even consider a personal bankruptcy as an option for some of my debt). But I’m pretty sure this policy will stick.
You want to give me cash?
Here’s what I would love. If you really want to help me out, stick around the site, tell your friends, link to me, yada yada yada.
If you’re insistent on a financial donation, consider this organization instead. I guarantee you’ll make me happier doing this than giving me money.
And thank you to the reader who offered to buy me a fridge. You made my day.
What do you think?
Am I nuts to turn down cash? What would you do if you were in my situation? What types of “help” should I accept if offered?
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Dear DK,
Two thoughts: change your screenname. You say you are (24); that’s adult age. I started my business at (22); sold out & retired at (52.) I would have been angry at being called “kid,” and it’s patronizing. Secondly, I certainly hope you have gotten CPA & attorney advice before filing & paying taxes. It can have an chilling effect on your BK filing, assuming you go that direction.
Well, being a Kiva fan, perhaps you can try out the model yourself. Maybe your generous supporter would be interested in considering the money for a fridge a zero-percent loan to be repaid in two years? In two years time you’ll probably be back on your feet well enough to pay the person back.
And if you’re open to that idea, I’d be willing to lend you money on Kiva terms to help get you a place to stay, out of the office.
Some thoughts on your dad’s offer to assist….
1. Not sure if dad would go for it, but if you could include your car in the BK7 so you are out of that negative equity position, perhaps dad could finance or maybe co-own a temporary junker for you to drive? It doesn’t sound like you need a fancy car to impress for biz purposes so getting out of this negative situation would be a help. It would also mean one less item in your post-BK budget which is important because you know how unstable self-employment income can be and you will need to be certain future payments are timely to rebuild your credit.
2. If I were you, I would get those IRS payments taken care of before I worried about hiring accountants, etc. If I recall correctly, you still have Payroll taxes and another $12000 outstanding which cannot be discharged thru BK? Can Dad pay the Payroll taxes for you? If you call the IRS they should be able to set up a monthly payment plan for the non-payroll tax bill as long as the total amount due is less than $25K. I think they expect the monthly payment amount to be at least the amount due amortized over a 5 year pay-back period. You want to keep the IRS content for many reasons, the primary reason being they can (and will) garnish your bank account and I am not sure that they need to notify you of such action in advance.
Good thing about not asking for money. I understand your situation may be tough but you put yourself there. Asking people to help with the cleanup is tacky in my opinion. Good job on the hard work! Keep that up and you’ll do just fine.
It would perhaps make it easier for you in some ways, but the moment you start taking money (at least from people on the net; not sure about your dad) your credibility is shot. You will cease to be seen as a hero and will be viewed as someone with his palm out. I know it’s tempting and even would be useful–perhaps would even be WISE, in terms of paying off debts–but if you care about your internet rep it’s best to stay away from that.
I agree with all things good, don’t take money from folks online. Keep this personal situation a bit personal.
Dad, on the other hand – since I am a parent, is fully aware of your situation, loves you and wants to help you. I don’t think that you should take his help for free, but the 0% or low interest loan would make it okay for both of you.
Just don’t be to quick to push your fathers help away. As long as his intentions are good and not in an effort to control – I don’t think you can go wrong.
For me I am not a fan of accepting donations. I admire the fact that you are doing it yourself. You will gain a lot of support because of your integrity.
As a parent I understand your dads desire to help you and maybe you could give it some more thought, are their other ways he could help beside money, maybe you could stay there on weekends and have a good home cooked meal.
How about adding some adsense or a few other carefully selected ads to your site? I know it’s not a lot but least then if people want to support you they can check out what you have to offer on your site. Those small amounts do add up.
Oh and I love the name of your site, just my opinion I know. hang in there!
I’ve been in some rough patches myself and I have to agree that its hard to simply accept the help when its offered but knowing where you got yourself there is a certain amount of I got here I can get out mentality.
Personally I would accept the help as long as there were no strings attached; I’ve helped out others when they were on hard times and I know they would return the favor if I was in a similar situation. Sometimes people are in a position to help and want to. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the trying to get yourself out of your financial mess, its admirable that you want to do it without financial help just don’t overlook the fact that it can potentially save you years of time down the road.
Would you feel differently if a mini-fridge magically appeared rather than the cash? I think I might, although I don’t know that I can articulate why. Just wondering.
You need the fridge, somehow I suspect you will find a way to get it. Also, I agree that you should change the name of the site. You are not a kid and somehow using “kid” means someone who gets excused for behavior because they are ..well, a kid. In all other respects you are acting like a real man. Hang in there. I also agree to put some ads on your site, what is the harm there?
Well, the reason why we love you is that sense of integrity everywhere.
I disagree with the judgement of your domain name; it is critical to your online persona. On here is where you’ve got everything unmasked, telling us everything. You can be a kid here so that you’ll be a man out there. That’s the way I like to see it.
You are in a mad situation, though, so figuring out a way to make revenue from your readers while giving them something in return as well may be good. But I don’t think that works much since you’re busy and you’re better at other stuff.
Building your rep on the ‘net online might be good for future business, I would think.
Do you reckon you have that odd lack of sentimality a lot of business persons seem to have in common?
Horrible typo: sentimentality*
B, not sure what you mean about lack of sentimentality. Do you mean am I a cold, heartless, businessman? I don’t think so. I think part of my somewhat success in business is due to the fact that when I’m selling our services I’m excited and passionate and genuine. Also, being a techno nerd that can actually relate to people has helped as well : )
I will figure out some way to get a fridge. It’s not a huge thing. A few weeks without a fridge isn’t going to kill me. And indebt2….yes, if a fridge magically appeared somehow it would be different.
As far as accepting the mini fridge-
Since I’m not quite sure what your business actually is let’s say it is selling servers. If on of your loyal, trustworthy clients came to you and said they needed a server, but they couldn’t afford to pay you for it today-would you give them the server? I think you probably would in the hopes your good will would be rewarded generously down the line.
Now let’s say that the client can’t pay you for the server after a while but he generates enough quality business your way that you make in profit what he would have owed you? Do you still demand the money? From the good nature you have shown in your posts, I think you would not, or at least maybe accept a partial payment.
That’s what the mini fridge is-someone’s attempt to reward your good behavior so that in the future you may help another.
Today, I bought some doughnuts for my co-workers. Outside the shop there was a homeless man with a sign asking for help. I didn’t want to give him money, so I bought him 2 blueberry muffins and coffee-which cost an additional $3.
I don’t know if he ate them, or tossed them or thought “why didn’t she give me some money instead?” It doesn’t matter. The good deed was done. Hopefully, he will help someone else in their time of need.
Should you accept the fridge? Only if you would do the same for someone in their time of need. From the tone and tenor of your posts, I think you would.
I’d like to give you a hug.
No… I’m not going for the ‘cold, heartless’ stereotype. I’m talking about breaking down even situations that may have emotional significance for you into cost-benefit-opportunity. I suppose gearing everything you do in that way…
Hard to explain.
Possibly it’s just human nature, especially after having a hard time with money, to constantly watch out for ways to keep getting better at making it.
But you’re a lovely, lovely man. And hugs are free. *virtual hugs*
Stay human!
I would swallow my pride — which is what we are talking about here — and take whatever. It is nice to distinguish between sources of money, but that kind of choice vanished with the trading fiasco. Sorry to be a contraian on this point. You have an obligation to your creditors.
I tend to disagree with your comment that you have a (somewhat) successful business. You mention positive cashflow from business operations several times in past stories, with the idea of increasing this number. However, it seems that you are still co-mingling funds, a big no-no. In my opinion, your business is not successful until the employees are paid, accounts collected, bills paid, paperwork completed, and taxes filed and paid. These are basic tenets and I have seen many companies undone by not completing one or more of these tasks.Only mentioned as background, I am a former factory owner (sold in 2002)and still own a profitable corporation, so I have some experience and perspective.
I also notice that you have changed your mind about filing Ch. 13; now I see you are proceeding to a Ch. 7. What happened? There is so much info you attorney will have to provide, the sooner the better. Having this loosely financially-controlled business is going to be your undoing, I am afraid. Do whatever it takes to get legal advice STAT.
Pups 1,
You are right about my business operations. Since the start of Q3 I am no longer mixing bus/personal funds. I also have a bookkeeper (who is stretching out billing for me) now. I’m still sorting things out, but by next month I should have very clear financial statements and no worries about mixing business and personal accounts again.
As for Chapter 7 vs. Chapter 13? Looking at my last 7 months of personal income, I’ve not been paying myself much at all and so its possible I can file Chapter 7. I’ve almost completely all the paperwork my lawyer has requested. I should have all of the required paperwork in my lawyer by the end of the week. The goal is to file by the end of the month.
I certainly hope that what you mean to say in #20 is that your bookkeeper is allowing you to stretch out your payments to him/her, not that you are stretching out your billing. I don’t think your cashflow could take any invoicing delays. You are in a precarious situation, with you essentially being the company. Prepare for an eventual Ch.11 filing also, in case you qualify. Take your current business records and 1120s (or whatever# your tax report) with you when you see the attorney. Overprepare but be 100% truthful–it will all come out anyway.
I understand how you feel. But what blessing are you denying the person who wants to give you the fridge? What I mean is, if you have to sow to reap, look at it as allowing this person to sow into your life, so they can reap themselves. Look at it from their standpoint. It’s better to give, yes let them give and you then in turn can give somewhere else. Believe it or not there are people worse off than you.
Be grateful and allow this person the opportunity to be a blessing, you’re not asking for hand outs. Wouldn’t you want the same opportunity to help someone else?
Just my 2