Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

This week has been all over the map.

Seriously, if my life were a map. I would have gone from Seattle to Rome to Hong Kong to the South Pole and back. Up and down. I feel like a ship riding out a storm. Up and down.

Sunday was down. I was feeling so unknown, so lonely, it was no fun. In the last 4 months, while business-wise things have gone better, I’ve lost quite a bit.

My younger brother moved away. Besides my one close friend, he was the only one up here that knew my whole situation. Then my close friend got a boyfriend, and that has dramatically changed our relationship. It’s good change for her, and really for me, but it’s hard change.

Craziness Last Night

Then yesterday I found out that my month to month lease is over. My landlord is moving back in, and I’m out.

Whew.

Deep breathes. Tap the keyboard. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Ahhh.

I looked at a new place today, and assuming I get approved (I told them my credit is terrible), hopefully I’ll have my residence worked out in a week or two.

Someday I’m going to own a house. Without a mortgage. I will pay frickin’ cash for it and I’ll not have to worry about this kind of stuff again. Someday.

I hate having to "omit" information. I’m in such a better place now, than 13 months ago when I was trying to get a place after living in my office, but it’s still not fun. Look at this post from a year ago. My fears there didn’t happen. In fact, this whole fiasco has made me a stronger, better, (most of the time) more genuine person.

I almost spilled the beans

I almost blew it today too. My heart about leaped out of my chest. Here’s what happened;

"So, we found your blog. We’re Christians too, and so we think that what you’re doing is great"

Me: (thinking: What the crap!!! I seriously don’t have that many readers….how did they figure this out) "Really. Wow. (as I sit down). How did you find it, I mean, it’s anonymous"

Them: "Oh, we just googled your name"

Me: (lightbulb goes off. I have another blog I rarely write in under my real name. This is the one they found. OMG) "Oh, yeah, you know I didn’t even know people read that one" (seriously in a panic still, but face is 100% calm)

Thoughts

I’m in such a strange place right now. My business is doing better than ever. Yet, I continue to live and will continue to live like I’m completely broke. Or at least frugal. Maybe not broke.

I almost cried grocery shopping last week. If you never think about the cost of food when you shop, you won’t understand this.

For me to feel rich….all I need is a decent food budget. That’s it. Game over. Nothing else. Well, and a place to live. Those two things, and I’m content. I don’t need gadgets, or fancy drinks, or nice clothes.

Just food.

Man, I’m so different than I use to be. My whole world view and concept of money is so dramatically different than it was just 18 months ago.

I forced myself to buy a pair of khaki’s yesterday. It was painful, it really was. I just don’t like spending money right now. I just want to hoard it all away.

It’s a good thing I have been putting money away. I’ll need to put down money for my new place before I get my deposit back from my current place.

Anyway, I’m in a whirl right now. And still very busy with work stuff. And don’t even get me started on girl stuff….that’s a rant for another day.

Now, I’m off to eat.