For many of us, the battle to get out of debt is a long one, taking many months or years. I’m 15 months into my journey now, and I have about four more months to go.

Right now I’m having a harder time than I have before staying on task. The remaining debt is the biggest “snowball” and is a hefty $10k. It’s also been hanging around like a member of the family for so long it’s become nearly invisible (the balance has been roughly this size for about four or five years years). Waking up every morning and staring that thing down and saying “you’re next sucker” isn’t working because I can practically hear it shouting back to me “yeah right kiddo… just try…”

We’ve covered maintaining the motivation several times (links below) but today I want to focus on immediate and right now ways to get your eye back on the goal.

In our house, we’ve found ourselves beginning to stray now and then—eating out more frequently saying “well, we’ll be debt-free in four months, so let’s celebrate now” or slipping up and beginning to add lifestyle extras. Now that we’ve noticed this—here’s how we’re tackling it.

This isn’t the home stretch—it’s crunch time! We’ve enrolled our oldest daughter as the “traffic cop” to help us all stay accountable on this. Kids notice everything, may as well reward them for pointing out things like this. Besides, when your kid calls you on “bad behavior” you have no choice to but to shape up. There’s no rationalizing to children.

That last snowball is intimidating, so break it down. We used to budget $1,300 to $2,500 for our snowball payments. It got broken up into several places but now we’re down to writing one gigantic check to the last debt every month. I’ll admit it, I’m a wimp. It’s psychologically difficult for me to write one gigantic check—part of me wants to hang on to the money “just in case” something comes up. Instead, I’ve started writing weekly payments to break the big payment into smaller ones that don’t hurt so much to write and maintains some cash flow security. If you are doing this with a credit card account make sure they accept multiple payments in a month as some charge an extra fee for doing this.

Amp it up! Amp up the energy. Talk about your progress to goal every week, or every day. Make a chart or keep a list—whatever energizes you.

Surround yourself by those who’ve done it. One of my favorite things to do is to download the Friday Dave Ramsey podcasts. Every Friday, he invites listeners to call up and scream “I’m Debt Free!” Then he interviews them about the hardest parts, the best parts, and how much they paid off in how much time. I always find myself energized after listening to these, and sometimes listen to them more than once!

Re-focus on the why. I recently realized that I had completely lost track of this. I cannot remember why we were getting out of debt. It took me some thinking to remember what prompted our conversion to the debt-free lifestyle and I realized that one of the motivators wasn’t a factor any longer. (We were attempting to adopt two kids who I met on my travels to Ethiopia, but they’ve since found another family, which is truly OK by us, but I had to step back and re-evaluate my reasons for continuing on this debt-free journey. Additional freedom, reduced need for income, and security for the kids we already have at home proved to be sufficient motivators for me). A few minutes of fantasizing what would happen to us if my husband lost his job (and excellent health insurance) was enough to get me back on the wagon. Take a minute and remind yourself WHY you’re getting out of debt. Make a list of what being debt-free will allow you to do and put it on your checkbook, or your bathroom mirror, or your forehead.

Next up: Motivational reading and soundtrack ideas for maintaining the focus.

In case you’d like to look back at some of our other motivation posts, the links are below.

Motivating yourself when you want to spend

Feeling derailed

Some techniques to keep yourself on task

Whew. Whew. Whew……………………………………….

When a tragedy happens, everyone copes differently. Some people just want to be alone, others want to be surrounded 24/7.

The last few weeks, I’ve spent most of my time in a hospital watching my future mother-in-law fight a losing battle with cancer.

After she passed away, it’s been difficult for my fiancee to cope. More difficult than she had thought. Even though she knew this day was coming, it still is hitting her harder than expected.

So, we went shopping.

Which is weird, because we NEVER go shopping.

And it felt.

Awesome.

I don’t know if it was just the stark difference in environment from a hospital, but wandering a mall for hours was blissful.

I can’t believe I even just wrote that last sentence.

Anyway, it may not have been the healthiest (for my debt at least!) way to cope, but gosh darn it, it was nice.

I never thought I’d actually see a benefit from the consumeristic nature of the “Mall”….but I did. So did my frugal fiancee.

We didn’t spend outrageously. Not by any means, but we did buy a few items of clothing at higher end stores that we might normally snub our noses at.

It really was a strange, but honestly refreshing experience.

Any other frugal people ever had an experience like this before?

from www.freedigitalphotos.net

For three days, I’ve drafted and re-drafted this post. How to not sound like a cold-hearted, calloused individual. The fact of the matter is, I’m a huge giver. More than once I’ve mortgaged myself to the hilt to give to others in need, always figuring I still have good earning potential, so I’ll make up for shorting my own financial progress later. I put colossal charitable contributions on credit cards. I’ve maintained giving even when my own budget was hazardous at best.

One year I received a large Christmas bonus. I planned to (for once) do my holiday shopping in cash. Then I heard about someone near to me who would be evicted with her children the week before Christmas if they couldn’t pay rent. The notice had already come and they were packing up.

My bonus was the exact same size as their rent payment. I paid the rent and never told anyone until today. I did my Christmas shopping that year on plastic. My friend was evicted the following month. I imagine that Christmas debt is still part of what I’m paying off.

We adopted our kids with credit (Hey, if it is for their benefit, it’s “good” debt, right? That’s what I told myself at the time. Looking back we could have covered our legal fees with a second job or fund-raising or searching for adoption grants.)

After Financial Peace University, we seriously re-evaluated our giving and elected to stick to a planned giving schedule. We planned and budgeted for all of our charitable giving for 2010 back in December, before Haiti’s earthquake. (Lesson #1—plan extra next year as a “discretionary” amount).

I watched the news and the telethon with big tears in my eyes. Many of my friends’ adopted children are Haitian, and through our contacts with adoption agencies, we keep up with some of the orphanages there—especially those caring for children with HIV and AIDS, as that’s a cause that is very important to our family.

I asked my husband in our budget meeting if we could send more. He reminded me what we learned in class – that we cannot sacrifice the security of our family for others.

Here is where we’re apt to disagree. Personally, I don’t see debt as “peril” in comparison to the dire circumstances that others are—but he does. “We’ll give like crazy people if you want” he told me “after the debt is paid.” Likewise on my planned mission trips—to build an orphanage and school in Africa. “Not until our life, and our childrens’ security are assured. No debt, medical savings, and education savings—and then give/do whatever you want for whomever you want.

It breaks my heart, but my mind does know he’s right. We sent a small token contribution to Haiti, and then sent all of our airline miles (hey, we’re not traveling anytime soon) to Medical Teams International who will have medical teams in Haiti for the next five years. (If you have Alaska miles you can make a charitable transfer for free). It doesn’t feel like enough to me, and I feel like a wretched human being for not doing more.

When we’re debt free and have built our emergency funds though, we will be planning in some funds for Haiti’s recovery. We should be ready early next year—and by then, Haiti will likely be out of the limelight and in need of additional funds for rebuilding.

Dear readers, I welcome your thoughts on this—even if you think I’m wrong.

Is it OK to justify debt? Is it OK to borrow for a “good cause”?

Do you find yourself classifying your debt into “good” and “bad?”

Perhaps the hardest one justification for me is “helping” others. I’m a helper by nature, but part of our Financial Peace University commitment to stick to our budget is really straining me right now. I put a sticky note in my wallet with the scripture from the lesson in FPU to make me think before I write a check– “But if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8

Does debt have you feeling down? The negative financial consequences of having too much debt has been well documented. Before the recession, debt had become such an ingrained part of our society that many people accepted it as part of life. Unfortunately this sense of normalcy left many people unprepared for the devastating reality of living with debt once their credit limit hit the ceiling.

Without savings to fall back on or access to easy credit many families now face the daunting task of repaying those debts at a time when money is a concern for everyone. Sadly there are some people who find themselves unable to handle the stress caused by financial concerns. The combination of depression and debt can have a devastating effect on individuals, families and society as a whole.

Understanding Depression

Before we can help ourselves or those dealing with depression, it is important to first understand the condition with which we are dealing. The first issue that has to be addressed is recognizing the difference between feeling depressed and depression. At some point in life, we will all face times when we feel depressed. This is a normal and completely natural emotion felt when we deal with death, divorce, loss of employment or illness. Feeling sadness or sorrow during emotionally painful situations is not only expected but also a necessary part of the healing process required to move forward.

People who suffer from depression on the other hand, are dealing with an entirely different animal. Now recognized as an actual illness, depression is not something a person can simply shake off. Unable to escape their constant feelings of sadness, people suffering from this illness often give up trying to lead a normal life and withdrawal within themselves.

Debt and Depression

It comes as no surprise the debt can trigger feelings of depression. A person who is able to work through these emotions may feel stress, irritation, anger and frustration when faced with a severe financial hardship. Most people are able to work through these emotions and focus on taking action to resolve the problem. Apply the same circumstances to a person suffering from depression and the results may be very different. Already feeling as if life cannot get any worse, this person may sink deeper in depression making it impossible to face, let alone correct the situation.

Who Is Affected?

As a society we have come a long way in how we deal with depression and people who suffer from this illness. The more we learn about depression the better equipped we are to help those who are unable to help themselves. Unfortunately there are still those who think people with depression are just feeling sorry for themselves or lack the motivation to pull themselves out of a bad place. Unable to envision happiness or success in their future many people suffering from depression find ways to escape their feelings through alcohol, drugs or suicide.

The Impact On Society

As a society we often lack the strong communal ties that bind people together when facing adversity. That is not to say we don’t help others in need, however the tendency to not get involved is more prevalent in today’s society. The single mom down the street that is struggling to keep her kids from going hungry could use your help. The grocery store clerk that lost their only source of income, might be worried about being a burden on society. The day care worker who’s house is in foreclosure might find it difficult focus on her charges. Would you help these people if you could? Can you see the impact depression could have on everyone in the community?

The number of people facing financial hardship has not yet reached a peak. People already struggling with depression might just find dealing with debt or other money problems the proverbial straw the broke the camel’s back. So the next time you notice something is “off” with a friend, family member or neighbor don’t just pretend nothing is different. Taking a moment from your day to simply ask how they are doing or extend a helping hand might be the positive experience they need to push through another day.

What do you think? Has debt ever contributed to depression for you or a friend? I know for me personally, it was definitely a factor when I was experiencing some mild depression last year.

I can’t ever complain that I have a boring life. Sure, I’m lonely at times, but that is 99% self inflicted. I’m working crazy hours, and have pushed many friends away because I just didn’t want to have to hide what was really going on in my life.

I should be able to change some of that starting next week.

First off, It looks like I’m getting a place to live. Like a real place to sleep, not just a camping pad in my office. Everything is lined up and approved, I just have to have my deposit and cashola ready by this weekend. How tight is it? It’s down to dollars. It may have been wise in terms of cash-flow issues to do another month in the office, but:

1. I’m starting to notice some health issues both emotionally and physically
2. I’ve spent a good deal of time looking at potential places, and the combo of being able to work form the place I’m getting is too good to pass on.
3. Living in your office officially blows.

So I am excited. I’ll be able to relax once I’ve got all my money together to get the place. But I’m still starting to get excited. It’s almost been two months now living in my office.

I’ve managed to lay low the last two months. A good number of people know I’ve been living in my office (I played it off well…), but my employees thankfully never noticed. I’ve never overslept (they come in around 9), and have not seemed to arouse any suspetions of any other tenants in the office. I could probably go another 10 months and no one would no the difference. Of course I would be withering mass of a man, going crazy from white walls and no windows 24 hours a day…but I’m just saying it could probably be done.

Debt Update

I need to do an updated spreadsheet with my current debt levels. I have been paying down a number of my business credit cards, as well as continuing to pay my mother monthly. My personal debts I have not been paying, nor could I with the dismal salary I can afford myself at the moment. Nor should I be if I still plan to file my chapter 7 bk as soon as I have the money for the fee (I do still plan to file, unless my income level changes dramatically in the next 30 days. Which is possible. But not likely)

Whew. Finally a minute to breath.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale the good. Exhale the stress….

Trip is going well. 1 sale already and I have a decent chance at closing 2 more tomorrow. I’m in San Francisco now after working Sacramento yesterday.

I got pretty much the cheapest non-hostel hotel in San Francisco and it still seems outrageous. I had a budget of $600 for this whole trip (lodging/food/gas/donuts). I’m gonna go $100 over it looks like.

I haven’t heard anything official about winning the $1K bloghunt contest (UPDATE: I did win!), so we’ll wait and see. I think getting my Chapter 7 wrapped up and using the 1K for that is the best move. Getting the bankruptcy filed is my next big step on the debt side of things.

I got stuck on the big bridge getting into the city. Didn’t know it cost $4! (I had no cash on me) Some nice soul behind me got fed up with waiting for me digging around my car for $4 (I came up with about $2 in change) and paid the rest of my toll. So, thank you nice lady! I felt so stupid though. It’s my first time here!

San Fran is big

The city is huge! It has a similar feel to Seattle, though not as clean. I wish I had time to walk around a bit and take some pictures, but I just don’t. I need to move my car by 7am and then work San Jose and Oakland tomorrow. I’ll finish with San Fran on Friday and then start driving back home.

Fun, fun, fun. Sometimes.

Actually, this is hard. I drove 10 hours strait from Portland to Sac-town. I bought a frozen dinner for tonight and I have no microwave. I do have a really nice bed though, so I’m excited about that. I knew I had little chance on the apartment, but its still no good. Even if I could afford another place, I had no chance of passing anytime of screening. That limits my options to sublets that won’t do a credit check, or coming up with 6 months cash or something and asking for no tenant check. If this sales trip gets me 5 or more sales though….I’ll probably be traveling every other week anyway. So, guess I’ll just keep staying at the office and get hotel rooms every other week. That’s not too bad!

While I think this project has some legs, I’m still worried about a lot of things. The bankruptcy, the business debt that still needs to be worked on, my mom….etc. I know I’m going to be OK one way or the other, but I worry a bit what I will look like it 2 years… (not physically look like). OK, I’m ranting now, I just need to finish my carrots and go to bed.

On my weight note:

Speaking of my weight, I’m down to 169 (I was 176 before I got sick). I feel good though, but I don’t want to lose anymore weight.

I have a self-esteem problem.

That’s difficult for me to admit, but I know that it is true. All the mistakes that I made the last three years have taken a toll on how I value myself. The worst part is that 99% of people when they meet me, or talk to me, have no clue about my crap, and so they don’t see it.

And they think I’ve got it all going on. I run my own business, I’m athletic, I get along well with people, I love my family, yada, yada, yada.

To me those things all get overshadowed by debt. I’ve convinced myself that I have nothing good about myself, and won’t until I have at least a break-even financial net worth.

Even as I write this, I know what I’m saying is absurd. I’m saying that I equate how I feel about myself with money. Which is just silly. But its definitely how I am feeling.

Example

Example. I had met this girl a few months ago, and she really took me aback. Smart, caring, beautiful. Wow. I met her again this 4th of July, and the only thing I could think about the entire time was how I had absolutely no chance with this girl because of my debt and my mistakes.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this.

Basically, I need to either

A.) Get rid of all my debt ASAP, and so this won’t be an issue or

B.) Figure out some way to deal with this better. I can handle it fine by myself, but when I’m interacting with other “normal” (ie, not hundreds of thousands in debt) people, I feel awful and envious.

Wow. What a depressing entry.

Good thing I have this picture to make me smile!

http://flickr.com/photos/sepultura/666133293/

Honestly, I think I’ll pull that out whenever I’m feeling down. It’s just great.

I saw a upsetting thing as I was checking the analytics account for my business today. It wasn’t what I noticed for my business (stuff there is OK).

It was this journal.

Someone found this site by searching,

“is it time to kill myself? debt”

If you’re reading this now. Please call someone. Anyone. (go here…http://suicidehotlines.com)
Heck, leave your phone # in a comment on this post and I’ll call you. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, is ever, ever worth taking your own life over.
I know you may feel overwhelmed (believe me, I understand), and you’ve made some mistakes. But you are loved. You are loved and if you try to kill yourself you will only end up hurting everyone else around you. Killing yourself is a cowardly act that is like taking a gun and shooting everyone around who cares about you.

When I was 18, I made the worst mistake of my life by attempting to kill myself. I felt like I had no other option. I was wrong. Get some help, talk to your family, a friend, or call that hotline. Please.
Debt sucks, yes. But not having you around, whoever you are, would be much worse.

Wow. That was really embarrassing.

Really…..embarrassing. I wasn’t expecting that at all.

I went to sleep for a few hours around 5:30am this morning, hoping to sleep about 4 hours, and then start the week off in the office. Around 8 though I’m awakened by footsteps outside the back of my deck.

I look out, and someone is walking around. Great, I think, and head back to a few more minutes of sleep. Then I see my real estate agent calling on my phone. Crap.

I pickup. “Hey, is the lockbox still outside?”

Me, “No, I took it in a month ago when you told me too”

Agent, “Well, the buyer is there to do an inspection, are you at the house?”

“Yes, give me 2 minutes, I’ll let them in”

I go downstairs….there ARE FOUR CARS IN MY DRIVEWAY! I crap you not, four cars, at least 5 five people waiting outside my house. I through on some close, someone rings the doorbell…

“I’ll be right there!” (I yell…not in a mean way, just a frustrated way)

I gather up my stuff. I’m double blocked in, two people move their cars….this is so not cool.

4 cars. 5 people.

I leave as fast as I can. This was not fun. I guess this is what happens when you do stupid stuff…hope the inspection goes well. Wish I had had a heads up on that happening! (Agent! What’s going on here? A simple e-mail anytime yesterday would have been nice…)

Alright, enough writing. I’m pissed off and I have a priority list of 15 things to get done today….

#1 get un pissed off….

The last few months have been a big change for me. My whole thought processes on money and wealth have been completely transformed. In good ways I believe. I’ve also been actively trying to revive my life outside of work. When I think about the last two years (when I was trading allot), I can’t remember many social situations…some, but not many. And definitely no intimate ones (intimate not in a sexual sense, but in a relational sense). So, I’m trying to work on this part of my life now. Now that I don’t have the time!

Making the effort

The truth is that my journey is just beginning here to pay back all the debt I owe. And I can’t live my life for the next who knows how many years in a bubble of just work. I’ll go nuts. As much as I love my business, it cannot nor should it sustain me as a whole person.

So…I am making more efforts to reach out to others, even when I don’t feel like talking about my situation. I think I can find a good balance of being intimate without going into huge detail about my nasty situation. I miss my friends from a few years ago, and I’m starting to reconnect with some of them, and it feels really good.

Tracking my Debt

I’ve yet to find a really great way (beyond excel spreadsheets, which is what I use at the moment) to track my debt in a nice, neat visual manner. There are just no good wordpress plugins that I’ve found on this. I may look into writing one if I can justify spending a few hours on something that could be a good motivational/tracker tool for me. If anyone has a good plugin or tool for this, let me know. It would have to track debts individually and output some sort of bar chart or nice chart.

The House

Still no updates here….haven’t heard if the buyers have agreed to the higher price that the bank came back with to approve the short sale. Good news is that I still have a place to live for another month before the move to the office.