Ouch, ouch and ouch again. We visited Tim’s parents last week. In six days, we spent $199.80. Not all of that was over-budget spending, but it was all money I wish we had back. Though I suppose that’s a basic fact of frugal living.
Getting there
Tim’s parents live in a small town called Sumner, about 50 miles southeast of Seattle. It’s about 12 miles from Tacoma, which is where a lot of Tim’s friends live.
Usually, we only stay two or three days. Since we use my mom’s car, it seems rude to strand her for much longer than that. Also, Tim and I both have trouble sleeping on his parents’ guest bed.
This time, though, we stayed for nearly a week. We wanted to be there for July 4th and for Tim’s mom’s birthday. (Nadine was ringing in her 59th year.) We stayed a couple days longer to let Tim do a focus group for Wizards of the Coast, which makes Magic the Gathering – aka the hobby that Tim eats/sleeps/breathe.
So we packed up, drove down and set up camp in the guest bedroom.
No news is good news
On the Fourth, we went to Tacoma to visit some of Tim’s friends. One couple had taken their kids to a local park. They were there with the husband’s mom, her boyfriend and a few of their friends. We were invited to sit down and eat, which is an offer we rarely turn down
Overall, it was a good time, right up until we were given some news. Tim’s brother is about to become a dad. There are numerous reasons why this is a bad thing, but suffice to say we were mainly horrified.
We tried to shake it off and enjoy the evening. But I was sort of discombobulated by the news. Well, really, I was upset. It might seem trivial, but Tim and I had assumed we’d provide the first grandchild. Now this is happening and we may be moving to Arizona, which would mean Tim’s parents wouldn’t see the kid much… It was all pretty overwhelming.
I bet you’ll have a good time
Here’s the thing about being that close to Native American land: You’re very close to casinos. Big ones. In fact, I was supposed to have done a casino mystery shop that weekend, but it was postponed until October. So I was shell-shocked by news, close to a casino and had already gotten into the idea of spending money. Not a good combination.
We got out $60, but our luck wasn’t good. It was all gone in about two hours – and that’s only because I stayed with Tim while he played and then blew through my money. But because we were there for two hours, which netted us two $25 vouchers for food at any of the casino’s food venues.
We chose the sit-down restaurant, and the food was quite good. It would have been easy to stay under $50, but I was feeling indecisive so we got a couple extras. The total was about $51. Including tip, we paid just $11.75.
Adding it all up… then adding to it.
That meant that, in one night, we’d spent $71.75. That’s a lot for us. Normally, when we go out, it’s to a movie (with free passes), so popcorn and parking generally comes to $11. So you can see why I was wincing.
I was hoping that, as we digested the news, I could calm down a bit and get out of the emotional spending. But the emotional roller coaster didn’t stop there. The pregnant 20 year old showed up on the 5th. On the 6th, Tim and his dad had a blowout. We just couldn’t seem to stop the drama!
After the argument with his dad, Tim and I decided to avoid the house for awhile. We went and got Tim’s “cousin” Patti. (She’s the daughter of Tim’s mom’s childhood friend.) We went over to a local restaurant, played some pool and had some drinks. That plus a $10 late-night-special pizza came to $30.
We saved the worst for last
Nadine’s birthday was the next day. We paid only $15 for three people thanks to Restaurant.com. We took her back to the house and went to see a friend. She was really more a friend of a friend. She knows our friend, F, and we learned some disturbing things from her.
F and her husband are in debt. She has health problems and no insurance. Luckily, she also has a doctor willing to cut his rates. Still, her monthly payments don’t cover her bills and give her husband money for general expenses. Meanwhile, her husband is on unemployment and still getting twice what she does. When he does work, he makes 3-4 times more than she does.
Honestly, we don’t know if he’s being controlling or just incredibly oblivious to anyone other than himself. He’s not particularly mean, generally speaking. But you never know. And now that more facts are out, we don’t particularly care.
From time to time, F’s friend offers to take F out and pay for her. Apparently, F feels she has to ask her husband’s permission. Sometimes she just declines outright, saying her husband would be upset if she went out. But when the husband does say yes, he tells her that she has to have sex with him.
We can’t confront F about this, because she told her friend in confidence. If she knows we were told, she’ll probably stop telling anyone anything. We’re in a pretty big quandary. For now, we’re going to try to talk to people at domestic violence agencies and find out how we can broach the subject/help her.
Emotional pain: A financial perspective
By the time we got back to Seattle, we were weary and battle-worn. In fact, we’re still reeling today. It’ll probably take most of the weekend to recover from the trip and the emotional muck we stepped in while down there.
But, as I said at the beginning of this post, the real issue here is at the money. Spending nearly $200 in under a week just shouldn’t be that easy.
Thirty dollars of it was due to a misunderstanding. Tim asked if it was okay; I apparently was too distracted to understand he was spending over his normal amount. But a lot of it was just small things: a $7.46 Papa Murphy’s special, $12.45 in junk food, frozen pizzas for $9.18, etc. Plus we took Nadine out for a birthday dinner, though thanks to a Restaurant.com gift certificate we only paid $15. These items came to just under $98.
Add in the night out with Patti, the casino, and the pizza we ordered the night we got back in Seattle, and it comes to just under $200.
That’s not to say that we over spent by $200. We have weekly budgets: one ended 7/4, the other ends 7/11. This helped spread out the financial hurt. We finished $17 under budget the first week, despite the casino spending. (We didn’t spend much on groceries, took our laundry down with us, and otherwise saved in a few small ways.) Assuming we can avoid spending tomorrow, we’ll finish $61 over budget. That means, cumulatively, we’re technically “only” over budget by $44.
Still, it’s sobering to see just how quickly these purchases add up. Other than the casino, we spent $30 or less a day. Kind of a shock to the system, really.
What did we learn today, class?
That said, I want to clarify that I’m not really angry that we’re over budget. Obviously, it would be nice to have some of that money back and be able to apply it to our credit card debt. Especially that $60 we fed to slot machines.
But, frankly, I’m actually kind of surprised we didn’t do a lot worse. In the past, we’ve often spent $60-80 on food over a three-day span. We indulge Tim’s love of Popeye’s, since there aren’t any in the Seattle city limits. We tend to go to breakfast at a nearby place with amazing French toast. And then we usually eat at least one fast food meal each. Okay, usually two.
This time, we planned ahead. We each brought a box of cereal with us. I brought some bread and peanut butter for PBJs. (Yes, they have bread and peanut butter there. But I prefer multigrain bread – they usually only have white – and I’m so used to Adam’s that other peanut butters taste too sugary to me.) That alone saved us a couple of trips to the breakfast place and at least three meals out for me. Definitely something I plan on repeating.
I guess the point here (beyond what a hellacious week we had) is that you can survive a frugality implosion from time to time. Everyone has them. The magnitude may vary – as will perceptions of which spending was worthwhile. But when you get off-track, there are no frugality police coming to beat down your door. And waiting for them will only keep you from getting back into budget mode.
So, you slipped off the wagon. Dieters do it all the time. In fact, my diet was a major casualty of this week. I gained two pounds from emotional eating. And now I have to add emotional spender to my roster of vices.
Just figure out how and why you overspent. Then come up with some frugal alternatives. It’s pretty rare that a situation is a complete, one-time fluke. You’ll probably at least find yourself in situations somewhat similar, and then you’ll have some frugal defenses.
The trick is to avoid obsessing. Don’t swear up and down that you’ll never do this again. Chances are, you will. You’re human. You make mistakes, hopefully you learn something, and you clean up after your messes. It’s the human condition. Sure, it’s far from perfect, but, then again, so is life.
Picture by Jeff Keen
