This week pretty much sucked.
Business wise, I got a few things done, but not much. I’m feeling anxious all the time now, and it just doesn’t make much sense. I’m in a much more stable point right now than say 6 months ago. Yet, I’m feeling more anxious than I have in years.
Doing the right things
I’m running, eating OK, sleeping enough (but not well lately, which is also new. It’s sometimes taking me an hour to get to sleep. Normal is about 15 minutes). I don’t have any girl issues at the moment. I did have a friend of a friend staying with me all week, I know that didn’t help, but I think it only aggravated the anxiety, not caused it.
My only thought is that it has to be business related. I’ve given myself 1 more year to finish out the business I started after college. I think it has the potential to get bought out, but that is still a long way off.
I took some Advil my friend gave me last night, and I slept like a rock from 1am-11:40am. But it still took me forever to get to sleep.
Where do I fit?
I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. Maybe it’s because I don’t have a normal job like everyone else I know. I had a sort of coffee date with this girl recently, perfectly nice girl, and I totally had no clue what I was doing. I probably looked like I hadn’t been in public in months. I tried to just relax and be myself, but I was so nervous I’m sure she noticed. The thing with dating is that while I’m feeling anxious lately…I’m not depressed, in general I’m a very happy person, so…
I don’t know.
I have free time in the evenings, I’ve gotten better at doing things on my own and finding cheap non-work things to do. But I’m still looking for that intimacy relationally, you know? While my one friend is great, there is only so much I can share because we aren’t a couple and it just wouldn’t be appropriate.
Now I’m just rambling about women.
Looking at the title I put on this post I see dreams. I just had some crazy dreams involving paramedics and being in the army. It was weird but slightly exhilarating.
OK, I’m done. Go Seahawks.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes it’s best to set aside problems for another day. Right now you have plenty of work ahead of you as you make things right. Perhaps the anxiety will fade if you tell yourself that it’s okay to put off any romantic entanglements for a year or two as you sort out these financial problems.
two things came to mind when i read this post. one – you could have a disorder of some kind such as general anxiety disorder or a panic disorder. perhaps its not related to life things so much as maybe psychological? it sounds like you could use someone to talk to as well, someone nonjudgmental. a therapist? i know in previous posts you said you had seen one in the past. just a thought. the second thing i thought of was you were addicted to day trading for how long? a year or two? i had the same problem but with internet chatting. i was seriously addicted to it for a few years. it messed up my life in a fairly significant way. i dont do it anymore and have no desire but i feel like a different person than the one i was before the addiction. i feel out of step with society almost, like something has happened to me that other people dont understand and cant relate to. does that sound familiar? i dont know. im not a psychologist so take my thoughts for what they’re worth. you seem like a really great guy but also really young (no offense meant at all) that has some things to work out. i wish you the best of luck. and keep blogging! it has to help and i enjoy reading it!
01/07/08
Perhaps you feel the cold, cold breath of the IRS breathing down your neck? Plus all other creditors?
Do you still have medical insurance? If not, is there a free or sliding scale clinic you can go to in Seattle? I agree with Cherry – you could have a panic disorder. However, given your “gambling” with day trading and some other behaviors exhibited on this blog, it could be more.
Now before you go and freak out, know that it is okay. It could be as simple as a hormone imbalance or thyriod condition.
I would, however, recommend seeing a physician and finding out about a therapist through a free clinic or sliding scale basis.