You got your self into this mess and now you’re going to have to suck it up and get your self out.

You have a long life infront of you.

There is no requirement to suffer in silence. You are not alone by a long shot. Read the anonymous debt confessions of others and maybe you’ll find comfort in knowing there are many that are losing their lives by seeking help. And they hesitate for fear of what others may think about you.

Big Hug Steve

When I was reading what you were saying, I was surprised that I could relate to it. I’m pretty sure I had (have?) undiagnosed clinical depression (the relentless self-hate and the fixation with a suicide fantasy gave me a clue). I remember how I used to talk to people, be there for my friends etc. Then it just go too much. Trying to handle their problems as well as mine proved impossible.

So my priorities went down to doing exactly what it took to survive, to allow me to take the next step, and nothing more. Yeah, I hate myself more than ever now. I won’t let myself think about it, though.

Yeah, you should see the counselor. Because I can’t even take that step.

Sometimes I’m afraid to talk to people, wondering if by feeding them my opinion, I’m spreading the “depressed” way of thinking. For some reason, I feel like I have to hide my identity from everyone lest they discover the horrible truth of me. My “best friend” is someone I hate. All because of these… lies, because I’m too weak to say what’s really inside.

Don’t fall into it!

I like your blog and would like to exchange links with you if you want. You will get some more readers from me. I would put yours under my interesting blogs section.

Let me know. I’m all about making money and nuking my job.
DayJobNuker

You have been under enormous pressure for a long time and it sounds like it is catching up with you which is quiet understandble. You could be getting depressed. Talk to your Dad and ask if her could pay for you to see the counselor again. Counseling is so much more than a friendly ear to listen to problems. See someone now, don’t wait till you feel even worse.

Remember that when people feel depressed it actually affects the way they think. So the focus becomes on what is wrong, not all that you have achieved. Your current thinking and view of your self is not nesecarily realistic.

Choosing who you share the ‘real’ you with is wise. It is not a good move to let everyone know all about ourselves, it can make you vulnerable. So you are not being fake, you are showing good judgement.

You have helped a lot of people by sharing your story, this is just another chapter of your story, it is not the last page! You have worked very hard to turn things around. It won’t always feel like this.

sending you a hug, take care

You had better find a way to love yourself. I remember a guy who used to kiss himself on the wrist, and say “I love me” just for that reason. Some people have to do whatever it takes.

And defininetly go to the counselor.

Exhaustion is a really big contributor to feeling depressed, and you’ve been working very hard and very long hours and not getting enough rest. It might take your body a little while to catch up with you.

I’m pulling for you. Hang in there. I’m sending a cyber-hug too.

I’ve had trauma after trauma in my life, some my fault, a lot not, but I had to go through a “recovery” period where I felt weak and was definitely jaded. I also was very selfish, because I realised I had to put myself first for the first time in my life.

You will be a better, stronger person … but it doesn’t happen overnight. I think our generation expects everything at the click of our fingers, which is perhaps why trading was so addictive to you. You have to work hard at being a better and stronger person. You have to go through all this shit to achieve that, but its what you choose to do with it that determines how you turn out. I believe everything happens for a reason …

oh

and remember to breathe, breathe deeply! It really does help.