I surprised my mother this weekend for her birthday. I brought some flowers, called her, then walked in her house (as she thought she was talking to me 180 miles away). It was great. She was surprised, tears were had all around.
I also had a chance to sit down with my grandparents. They are probably the coolest old people I know. When I was in college, between classes, once a week I would spend lunchtime and a few hours over at their place. It was something I would suggest every college student to do, if at all possible. When my grandparents do pass, I know I won’t have any regrets. I got to hear all their stories and pearls of wisdom because I spent just one day a week for a year with them.
Plus…
You get a great meal (all grandma’s cook amazing…right?), and grandparents love it when they share with all their friends how their college grandson comes and shares a meal with them every week….
Anyway, onto my story from this weekend…
So, I had dinner with my grandparents. They know my whole massive debt situation, and although we don’t talk about it directly, the issue of finances now comes up quite often. And since I’m super chatty about this topic now, a very enlightening conversation was had.
3 Financial Lessons I learned from Grandma
1. Stay Married (happy wife…happy life, right?)
While this doesn’t apply to me yet (still looking…), my grandparents have been married 65 years. It’s amazing, they still get in lover’s tiffs even after 65 years, it’s cute and inspiring.
Those 65 years have allowed them to invest together, budget, and spend together. If (when, hopefully) I get married, I know their example of how they have managed their money together is what I will measure my marriage against.
2. Invest in Relationships, not stuff
My grandma is a social butterfly. She’s a fantastic conversationalist, and won all kinds of toastmasters awards (note: I should do toastmasters someday) back in the day. She still writes her friends letters, and picks up the phone. Everyone loves being her friend…why? She genuinely cares about her friends. Some people have friends just to have friends…not my grandma.
My grandparents shop at 2nd hand stores. Not necessarily because they need too…but because they find great stuff there. My grandma telling me about a skirt she got for $1 led to us talking about the insane amount of peer/marketing pressure these days to accumulate more stuff…
I shared about how freeing it was to get rid of a bunch of “stuff” when I lived in my office. So, takeaway #2…it’s about people…not stuff.
3. Invest and Budget for the long term
I don’t know if my grandparents both knew they would be ticking strong at 84…but they planned their finances to take care of them just in case.
With my generation likely living even longer than humans ever before, the long, long term needs to define how I think about my finances today.
Personal Update
All in all, it was a fantastically exhausting weekend. I was very social, and I felt the best I’ve felt in a long time in social settings. It’s nice for me to be able to “feel” again…for a long time I was like such a robot. It meant nothing was impacting me…but it also made it extremely difficult to relate to others and care about them. I think that has passed, and I feel much better about myself lately….
Up for tomorrow (debt wise): IRS Negotiation….yikes. I’m hoping this goes OK….
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It’s a shame to see people who care more about the things around them than the people. It’s a great lesson to learn that people and our relationships are what really matter.
Great lessons, DK. I love purging and getting rid of stuff. I always feel… lighter.
Re: “With my generation likely living even longer than humans ever before” — Actually, some recent studies show our generation living fewer years than our parents (obesity, processed food, etc).
And what about Methuselah? Nobody’s lived 969 years since 1656 B.C.
03/11/08 DK, you might want to reign in the chit-chat about being in a financial twist, as it tends to make people uncomfortable, especially if you have previously been boastful about your prospects.Secondly, people tend to think you are going to hit them for a loan, and this makes people uneasy. Hopefully you have paid back the funds borrowed from family to file bankruptcy; if you haven’t please do it forthwith.
Please tell us you are involving an attorney in your “negotiation” with the IRS. I can’t believe your bankruptcy attorney would allow you to petition with this tax debt hanging over your head. Did he/she know about it?
It is so cute when Grandparents brag to their friends about their grandkids spending time with them!
I wish I had the opportunity to spend so much time with my grandparents. Couples in their (planned and funded) retirements are amazing role models. When you’re young and socking it away it doesn’t mean much. It’s nice to have an example of what lies ahead.
My grandparents introduced me to the thrill of the second hand hunt as well. Whenever I visit them we spend an entire day going around to all of the second hand shops. We spend time together, find great deals and I usually end up with enough books to last until I see them next!
“2. Invest in Relationships, not stuff
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So, takeaway #2…it’s about people…not stuff.”
I’ll be contrarian here and suggest that investing in stuff is as important as relationships; i.e. the best advice that I’ve read on the net was: “feel free to love whatever your love: poetry, dead people, nature, family, friends, etc… because your heart needs to know it’s free!”
So, yes, “investing in relationships” is god but it’s even better to have relationships with things you love– and even other people.
Howerver, as far as I can tell, many folks are simply trying to buy happyness instead of trying to make happyness.
In my life, I love my 95xi elliptical trainer and think it’s worth every penny; I also bought a nice keyboard and love that too!
I got rid of my home gym because it didn’t earn its keep.
Most importanly, if you don’t love yourself, then how can you love your neighbor?
My Dad is just like the first part of #2. He still calls his friends on a weekly basis — from elementary and high school.
We live in different times, but it is something to aspire to.
you should get your grandmother to start a blog – the advice that she could pass on to many people would be amazing.